Writing Problem Topics

• Transitions
• Narrative Mode
• Focus/Flow
• Passive Tone
• Abbreviations

I grade a LOT of student research papers. As a result, I see a LOT of writing problems. Here are some examples that may help your writing…

Transitions help thoughts flow. For example, here’s an example with poor transition:

“Fuel efficiency is an important aspect of the car purchasing decision. Overall cost is probably more important.”

This is improved by showing contrast:

“Fuel efficiency is an important aspect of the car purchasing decision. However, overall cost is probably more important.”

The latter reads better and helps the reader understand the contrast that the writer had in mind.

There are numerous transition words. For example, there are words that:

• Show conclusion
• Repeat information
• Show comparison
• Show contrast or differences

For an exhaustive list, see http://writingcenter.unc.edu/resources/handouts-demos/writing-the-paper/transitions

Transitions or segues are also important for citations. For example:

• “The sky is blue” Smith (2001, p. 2).
• According to Smith (2001, p.2), “The sky is blue.”

In this case, the latter is generally better than the former.
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Please note that unless otherwise directed,  using a first- or second-person narrative mode for a formal research paper is not a good idea as it is better used for self-help and guide books. Formal scholarly papers should be written in the third-person. As an example:

• “Given my experience with the growth and financial investment in these two training modalities, if their individualized-learning characteristics reduce learning compared to TI, then I think short-term savings may be offset by resulting long-term costs due to reduced learning effectiveness.”
• “Given the growth and financial investment in these two training modalities, if their individualized-learning characteristics reduce learning compared to TI, then short-term savings may be offset by resulting long-term costs due to reduced learning effectiveness.”

Again, the latter is generally better than the former.

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While it can be difficult for some people, writing needs to be focused and flow well. Without it, the result is lack of clarity and cohesiveness. This makes it very difficult for the reader to know what you are trying to say. Examples:

• “The potential impact of Stephenson’s (1991) findings, the fact that they are supported by TI theory, and the lack of expert consensus only contributes to the confusion experienced by human resource development (HRD) managers charged with deploying CBT technology. While having trainees use CBT independently instead of using traditional instructional methods may save time and money at the outset, the lack of expert consensus interjects a question as to the effectiveness of that training since it lacks a social interaction component. For example, one of the purported benefits of CBT is the cost savings associated with reduced trainer requirements resulting from the self-paced nature of the training (Janson, 1992; Lawson, 1999; Lee & Mamone, 1995).”
• “The potential impact of Stephenson’s (1991) findings, the fact that they are supported by TI theory, and the lack of expert consensus only contributes to the confusion experienced by human resource development (HRD) managers charged with deploying CBT technology. For example, one of the purported benefits of CBT is the cost savings associated with reduced trainer requirements resulting from the self-paced nature of the training (Janson, 1992; Lawson, 1999; Lee & Mamone, 1995). However, while having trainees use CBT independently instead of using traditional instructional methods may save time and money at the outset, the lack of expert consensus interjects a question as to the effectiveness of that training since it lacks a social interaction component”

In the first example, the discussion of trainees using CBT independently does not make much sense given that the idea has yet to be introduced. The second example resolves this problem and yields clarity and cohesiveness.

Tone

• The number of inpatient, critical, and labor-intensive patients increased because of the aging population.

Abbreviations

One issue I see frequently in student writing is using abbreviations before defining them. For example, students frequently write something like this:

“An organization should always refer to the ISO.”

The problem is, ISO was not defined. Did the writer mean the International Standards Organization or the Independent Sales Organization? A better approach would be as follows:

“An organization should always refer to the International Standards Organization (ISO).”

From this point forward, the writer can use use the abbreviation ISO.

The references you use in a paper are there to support your assertions and arguments. Therefore, you should use high quality references whenever possible. An outstanding example of a high quality reference would be a peer reviewed academic journal. This is because the material is frequently based on primary research and then vetted by a blind review of peer academics. An example of a poor source would be a textbook or website. In the former case, textbooks are usually not peer reviewed. In the latter case, anyone can post anything on the web without any scrutiny.

For an example of a peer reviewed journal, see Cabell’s research database of academic journals at http://www.cabells.com/index.aspx.

For an excellent site on how to evaluate online sources for academic papers, including how to find peer reviewed sources with databases such as EbscoHost, see http://jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/academic/sources/sources.htm

Also, please be sure to visit http://zapatopi.net/treeoctopus/ and help save the endangered Pacific Northwest tree octopus! Remember: Anyone can post anything on the Web!

Many of my students struggle with APA Style. And I frequently am asked the question “What should I use to improve my use of APA?” Of course, there is no simple solution; some of the APA software tools are simply not accurate, and their use makes students dependent on the tool instead of teaching them proper APA techniques. As a result, since it is quite inexpensive, I always recommend that students purchase a copy of the APA manual. Check Amazon for availability and more detail.

If you simply do not want to learn APA Style from the manual, consider using EndNote. This is software for managing bibliographies, references, and citations. I’ve used it with success. Here’s the commercial description:

EndNote Student Edition 6.0 represents a major upgrade to the world’s most popular bibliographic management software, EndNote. Long known for “Bibliographies Made Easy,” EndNote Student Edition 6.0 now defines “Manuscripts Made Easy.” The product smartly advances research and publishing by organizing images with text and by providing Microsoft Word templates for a variety of journals. These new features, along with a more intuitive interface and new connectivity, make it an essential manuscript-management tool for writing, research, and publishing.

Finally, if you are looking for a no-cost APA solution, probably one of the best online resources is Purdue University’s Online Writing Lab (OWL). For APA, see: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/560/01/

The following areas seems to be problematic to my students:

Citations
Usually, citations are (LastName, Year) or (LastName, Year, Pg), depending on whether it was a paraphrase (former) or a direct quote (latter). In the case of direct quote citations from a Web page, paragraph numbers are used since page numbers are not usually available. Also, remember that  that quotations are always enclosed in quotation marks while paraphrases are not.

References
References are found at the end of the paper (unlike citations). The format is usually  Last, F. (Year, Month). Title. Source. Location:Publisher, depending on the type of source. For example:

Rosenshine, B. (1983). Teaching functions in instructional programs. The Elementary School Journal, 83, 335-351.

Rice, R.E. (1984). Mediated group communication. In R.E. Rice & Associates (Eds.), The new media: Communication, research, and technology (pp. 129-156). Beverly Hills, CA: Sage.

Paulson, M.F. (1995). The online report on pedagogical techniques for computer mediated communication. Retrieved February 22, 2005, from http://www.nettskolen.com/forskning/19/cmcped.html

Note that if you do not have a citation to a reference, then the reference is not listed.

Abstract
If you are going to follow APA Style, you must have an abstract. This is a brief summary of the paper, similar to an executive summary. The Publication Manual covers this in detail starting on page 25.

Some students (and faculty) think the abstract is a waste of time. However, it is a good exercise to try and describe your paper in just 100 words or so; it helps distill a nebulous concept into something more concrete.

Unless specifically instructed, always include an abstract.

Number One APA Error
Without a doubt, the number one APA error from my students is omitting page or paragraph numbers for direct quotations. Note that all direct quotations require one or the other depending on the source. Check http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/560/02/ or other provided sources.

I know it is sometimes difficult, but I can’t emphasize how important it is for students to ask questions in a clear and exacting manner. Since online learning is about problem solving using text messages, it is imperative to be explicit. For example:

Poor Question:
“Why is it when I click the button it won’t take it?”

While the student probably understands this question, to the instructor it makes absolutely no sense.

Better Question:
“When I click SUBMIT I get an error that says ‘Wrong file extension.’ Why is this?”

This is a much better question in that the reader now knows enough to determine one or more causes.

The more clear and exacting student questions are, the quicker and more accurate the responses are likely to be.